It's complicated

you are there and I am here . no sign to be together anywhere near . you will be you and I will be me and I bet there will be no 'us' no 'we' just you and me . I pick up the hints that you leave and I have my wildest clues . you are not bound by me and I am not bound by you but there is something that never lets me leave and brings me back to you .
you know what's going on in my head and I doubt if it's the same in your head too but you will never say and neither will I ask .  none of us will know this is just how it will ever be .
Maybe all this a realm of my imagination . A silhouette that I like to see now and then and anytime I want it to be. No boundary,no restriction,no obligation neither are we in any relation and still I feel bounded by some unsaid regulation and every time I wait in anticipation .
For how long will this go on ? I know I am not taking this ride alone because sometimes you join in too . you come and you go and it doest bother you but it's going to get me no where because I am so holding on to whatever this might be perhaps nothing absolutely . 
I am not supposed to get jealous and I am not supposed to care in fact I shouldn't be writing this because it wont help me in any way to get over this fear of not having you around and leaving me right here being unsound .. the fear of being disowned . 
And it's your fault too . If you want me to get lost you have to say it onto my face you have to tell me that you don't like it tell me that I need to leave . clear and simple but instead you come around every once a while sprinkle on like dew drops on an early morning . dew drops so pretty and beautiful to look at but as soon as you want to touch them they just slip by . you leave me confused all oh so tangled up in my head I think sometimes how ill I end up .
And still I am happy with this non existent relationship of me and you . I smile I cherish what I  get because I know I cant afford more then this for now but thinking of how this may end just chills me down to the spine it makes me want to hide and I feel so un-fine .
I wont like to be on my own and I don't want anything more then what you give me for now .
And if you decide to leave me let me know . let me know clear and straight leave me but leave me in not wondering and leave me in no misunderstanding and leave me in no hope .
Be a man and then leave but for now just keep me . please . 
Now this is what you call a relationship status that's fucking complicated .you were so perfect in my head , you should have stayed there.